…But Apparently the Guys in the Ad Department Do…

Man, what does it say about the state of journalism that some of the funniest and on-point stuff comes from an ad weasel?  Jesus. Over at Advertising Age, there is apparently room for people to actually speak their minds and have controversial opinions without getting swamped in instant outrage from the Red State/Blue State screechy monkey crowd.  As far as I can tell, they’re flying under the rest of the MSM’s radar, for reasons that I can barely puzzle out – I dunno, maybe reporters still have this reflexive contempt/aversion to the advertising side of the operation? Adagelandingpage

Man, that’s one of the big things that’s going to be going by the wayside as more and more of us move onto the web and find that one of the hats that we’re going to have to crowbar onto our ego-swollen noggins is going to be the job of ad manager/money pimp.  I’ve always been a total ho-bag sellout, so the notion isn’t all that uncomfortable for me – well as long as the price is right, sweeties.

Anyway, this bit about how the Gray Lady thinks that the way to talk to its online audience is by holding its nose – literally, apparently – is something to save to your "unintentionally hilarious" folder.  The offending article in the Times is a Career Couch piece that purports to tell

Clearly the Times has concluded that helpless Gen X/Yers crave condescending discourses on the fine points of office etiquette. (Either that or "Career Couch" is a thinly veiled message to that certain reporter on the metro desk who smells like boiled cabbage.) Sadly, I’m sure we’ll see more of this sort of Business Lite journalism, as pubs other than the Times also try to compete (ineptly) with The Wall Street Journal’s lifestyle coverage and Conde Nast’s upcoming Portfolio. It’s like, if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.

I dunno who foisted this article on the Times – or what kind of brain fart occurred in the editor who shoveled this crapola at an audience … but man, what the hell kind of contempt must you have for your readers to assume we’re all shit-for-brains slackers incapable of understanding that modern invention, the shower.

I’d swipe the whole column if I could and re-post it here, but I’ll practice restraint (heh heh … really Ad Age lawyers … this constitutes Fair Use … really, it does …) and just post a good bit wherein Media Guy goes on to suggest some other, perhaps more useful advice the Times can give to readers that it so clearly considers to be in persistent vegetative states…

Q: How can I keep my boss (who, by the way, stinks) from thinking that I stink?

A: Simple. Lard your prose — in e-mails, memos and conversation — with terms like "mobisode," "viral community-building," "peer-to-peer" and "user-created content." As often as possible, mention blogs (while taking care to avoid revealing the URL of your MyBossStinks blog). Your boss doesn’t really understand any of this stuff, but automatically thinks you do, even if you really don’t. You should be able to coast on that fact for at least another 18 months.

Apparently, The Web is coming back (as all the hopeful little bits that Red Herring has been floating would hold) – especially if it’s once again possible to bullshit sweating Old Media types with buzzwords so you can kick back with your office door shut, doob lit, Pro-Keds on the desk and PSP running a pirated ported version of GTA: Liberty City.  Yeee-haa! Wasn’t that a blast of nostalgia?  Someone get me some Double-Stuf Oreos.  And bridge financing.

This writer bills himself as Media Guy.  Note to Media Guy: You are way too fucking smart.  Cut it out. You’re making the rest of us look bad with your insidious and clever articles, with irresistable headlines, such as The FCC Thinks You Would Look Totally Hot in a Diaper

This joker needs to be kidnapped by The Daily Show.