Somehow, that title makes my mental jukebox play an accordion-laced version of "Back in the Saddle Again."

It has been a real chore to get here – the whole visa situation was one of utter torment & pain. A bit of history: two weeks ago, upon trying to leave Russia, I was instead treated to a charming 12 hours of explanations and holding cells at the Sheremtyevo Airport.  This was because my visa was one (1) day overdue. Apparently, this is quite a serious crime here.

Upon returning to the U.S., I was told that the visa situation had been ironed out, and that Janine & I now had business visas, which meant that we could come and go as we pleased.  Awesome, right?  Here comes hoop #1:

Because I had overstayed my visa by one day, I would have to go IN PERSON to the Russian consulate in San Francisco, to explain myself to the consul (or his designee).

Also, to get a business visa, we had to go get AIDS tests and offical certifications from the testing labs that we were clean.  That burned an afternoon in and of itself.

Nonetheless, armed with a sheaf of papers – the originals of our passports, copies of the "relevant pages" of our passports, copies of color pictures of ourselves, signed on the back, copies of the voluminous visa application form, copies of letters explaining why it was that we wanted business visas, and copies of letters from the Russian business that wanted us to get said visas, AND OF COURSE, cashier’s checks for $450 a piece for said visas, I got on a plane at 5 a.m. and flew up to San Francisco.

It did not go well.

The lines to get visas are about as long as the lines for free blini back in the pre-WallComeDown days. Upon getting to the window, the sullen clerk shuffled through the papers, desperately seeking something that would allow him to turn us down.  He seized on the letter from the Russian company.  "It says here in the rules that you must have an original letter," he mumbled.  "This is not an original.  This is a copy."

THis, despite the fact that every single other person who has ever gotten a visa of this type has been allowed to do so with just a copy of said letter of invitation.

He booted me out and told me that the only way I could make the flight in a day and a half’s time would be to come back and get a tourist visa, and that there would be someone at the consul at 2 p.m. who would help me. 

I came back to the consul at 2 p.m., after having had to exchange the cashier’s checks for other cashier’s checks (the amount was different, and he would not let me apply for a tourist visa with a cashier’s check for a business visa).  Again, the tiny salon was crammed with angry, drunken, arguing Russians. The first woman said she didn’t speak English and to go away.  The 2nd guy said that he couldn’t help me, but that the person that was supposed to help me wasn’t back yet, and that I should wait around until 3 p.m.  I waited until 3, at which time, I was told that he wasn’t coming back and that I should go away now.  Just in case any of you ever have to go to the Russian consulate and hope for help from a guy, if his name is: Andrey Tarelin – don’t get your hopes up.  Apparently, he likes his vodka at lunchtime.

I came back the next morning, stood in another interminable line, and finally, at last, got the tourist visas, and then had to make a balls-out rush to the airport to get on the plane in time to get back to Los Angeles, so I could pack to get here.

This whole travelogue is, I understand, pretty much off-topic and personal, but it serves two purposes 1) venting, which is never to be scoffed at, and 2) to demonstrate that international travel to places like Russia to work is not all as cut-and-dried as the Powers That Be might wish to make it seem.  It is actually damn difficult just to deal with all the logistics of working here – I estimate that while I may be on-site for only 10 (paid) days at a time, I spent an additional 8 days. This last time, it took 2 days in San Fran to get the visas, three days on the phone and filling out paperwork, two days on the plane coming back, two days on the plane getting here, and two days filling out the expense reports and invoices and trying to keep up with all the e-mail generated by this effort.