What? Squintillion didn’t look right on the filing papers? Gazillion? Who’s the lead counsel on this? Dr. Evil? With Mini-Me as second chair?
I don’t think this is going to have the desired effect…
The RIAA is seeking $150,000 for each of the 11 million songs AllofMP3 allegedly pirated.
It was first reported by the Washington Post last week that the RIAA
was suing the Russian online music distribution company Mediaservices,
which owns AllofMP3.com and allTunes.com, for illegally selling
copyrighted music. he companies behind the claim, which include the major record
labels Arista Records LLC, Warner Bros. Records Inc., Capitol Records
Inc. and UMG Recordings Inc., filed the suit in a New York federal
court claiming that "…Mediaservices’ sites sell millions of songs by
their artists without paying them ‘a dime’ for the right to do so."
I thought that this was going to be against The Pirate Bay, which is still thumbing its nose at U.S. copyright holders, safe behing the laws of Sweden. The fiber-optic cable outta Sweden glows in the dark from the heat generated from all the Torrents coming out of there, laden with pr0n and cracked MS Office applications…
Apparently, the AllofMP3 *does* conform to Russian laws – which may make the legal battle more than a little uphill. Moreover – can I get a show of hands of 
the people out there that want to be the ones trying to collect $1.6 trill from the Rooskies? Anyone? Anyone?
Here’s a snippet of dialogue on how that will go…
EXT. NY City Street – Day
Chief Legal Counsel for the RIAA is walking down the street, humming happily, a copy of the default judgment in his hand, visions of his 40% contingency fee floating around his head with little cartoon $$ signs.
A black stretch limo pulls up next to him.
A thick-necked, blubbery-lipped
thug gets out of the car and spreads his arms wide as if for a welcoming hug. A
tattoo on his scarred and seamed forearm reads: “I ♥ Stalinâ€
His name is Ivan, and nobody dares
to add “The Terrible†… to his face. The jagged-tooth smile on his face never
even gets near his eyes.
IVAN
Hey! Tovarisch! So good to see you
again!COUNSEL
Ivan? Well, ah, yes, it is a
surprise…
Behind him, the limo bounces on
its springs as two enormous creatures clamber out: Sergei the Siberian and Olga
the former shotputter. They circle behind the suddenly nervous attorney.
IVAN
Good news, my friend! Yuri has
found your money.COUNSEL
Really? I mean, 1.6 trillion is a
lot, we never really figured on collecting it all…IVAN
Ah, it’s no big deal, my friend!
Yuri checked his other pants pocket and there it was! Get in car! We take you
to it now! Yuri is waiting, will be very excited happy to see you!COUNSEL
Well, uh, that’s very generous and
all, but usually we just arrange for wire transfers –
The Counsel turns around to leave
and runs headlong into Olga’s massive chest. He looks up and wheezes as she
wraps him up in a bear hug and shoves him into the car. His screams for help
are muffled by her glacier-sized boobs.
IVAN
Wire you say? Is no problem. You
will be seeing many wires in the next few days, tovarisch. Mostly carrying high
voltage to your balls… So! You thought you could steal from Mother Russia, eh?
The Limo purrs away from the curb, joining with the rest of the Manhattan traffic, on its way out to the private airstrip near Sheepshead Bay…
Good yarn, Dave. Reminds me of the time in the mid-1980s when the late Mike McLean of Point Reyes Station gave me a bunch of World War I war bonds issued by tsarist Russia. Facetiously, I wrote the Soviet consulate in San Francisco, asking how to go about redeeming my bonds. The consulate’s terse reply: “We do not believe you will be getting any money.”